[the fourth drink instinct]row&kia[is taking over]

[Rowen Hemingway]

It was one of those nights when he could close his eyes, when he couldn't catch his breath. when he needed time alone before he could go back to the real world. Why was he so screwed up? why didn't this pain fade? Thoughts like these swirled in his head, and the only thing that helped him see straight again, ironically, was the bottle of firewhiskey that he held in his hand.

No, Rowen wasn't an alchoholic by any means. But sometimes, when all you could do was numb the pain, the drink was all that could calm him. He wouldn't become giddy and drunk like most of his classmates, but rather he'd mellow out, his tense muscles would relax and find a chance to just wind down.

Thoughts of his mother were someimes too painful to handle. She had died in an unfair, cruel way that was no one's fault. Rowen longed to pin the blame on someone, something, but he knew that he couldn't. The reason for her demise was uncertain, and it drove Rowen completely insane. He made sure that he never showed these feelings to anyone, including Tobie. Poor Tobie...he had to be there for her. She couldn't worry about him. He was her brother; her protector.

He was standing inside the Room of Requirement, looking out a large bay window that showed the Black Lake and the mountains beyond it. The dark outside hid any imperfections that the outside world held. His only source of light was the faint silver that the moon gave off, which was eerie within itself. Leaning against the cool glass, Rowen took another sip of the firewhiskey, finding it to be empty. His fingers clenched around the neck of the bottle before he dropped it, not caring as it shattered on contact with the floor. he looked at his faint, nearly translucent reflection in the glass, seeing how glassy his eyes were. Whether it was the after effects of the alchohol or from pure emotion, he wouldn't know.

[Kianthra Lestrange]

Kianthra Lestrange was sat in the Slytherin Common Room staring into the fire. Her arms were wrapped around her knees trying to retain some warmth. It hadn't been the best of days, tension between the DE and NO was almost at breaking point and a fight had errupted. This was mainly why it hadn't been a good day. Not the fact that there had been a fight. No. The fact that Kia wasn't there to witness it. She should have been standing alongside Charlotte and Scorpius as they faced Zane, Rosie and Teddy, but instead she had been in her dormatory writing letters. What was inside the letters that was so important? Never you mind. The fact was there had been a fight and Kia had missed it. She pulled her emerald green cardigan tightly around her as a draft caused her to shudder slightly.

Suddenly the girl stood up not wanting to remain in the Common Room for much longer. She needed somewhere to think without the noise of a rowdy game of wizards chess in the background. As she headed towards the portrait, she sent a glare at the third years who had disrupted the peace. The woolen boots she was wearing on her feet pretty much knew where they were going and soon the seventh year was climbing up and stepping into the Entrance Hall. Noticing the obvious lack of light, her hand disappeared into the pocket of her black jeans and soon reappeared. "Lumos," she whispered as a small blue light appeared at the end of the wand. Soon enough she had reached the seventh floor. I really hope the NO aren't having a meeting, I don't fancy a 12 on 1 fight at this moment, maybe some other time though.

I need somewhere to reflect. I need somewhere to reflect. I need somewhere to reflect. The girl paced up and down the corridor until the giant door appeared. She managed to open it silently and step inside before she heard glass smashing. She looked up aware that she was not alone and saw a figure illuminated in the moonlight. I'd recognise that hair anywhere, smiling to herself she headed silently across the room, careful not to startle her best friend. She stood next to him, staring out of the window at the stars before saying, "weight of the world on your shoulders?"

[Rowen Hemingway]

Rowen hadn't even noticed the opening of the door until a new source of light flooded the room. At first he thought it might have been Zane, getting ready to start up an NO meeting, but his couriosity was relieved when he saw the it was the other Lestrange who had come in to be his company. Running a hand through his (now) blonde-streaked hair, Rowen relaxed and watched as Kia approachd him. The odd colors that adorned his head then faded back into the normal mouse-brown color, saving him from embarassment. At her question, he remained silent. How could he answer that?

'Well, Kianthra dear. I'm not only trying to keep my grades up so my father doesn't kill me, I'm hiding my gigantic crush on you from everyone, I'm trying to handle my mother's death, and I'm a member of the New Order, which means that I'm betraying all of my friends, and not to mention my sister. So, yes, the weight of the world is on my shoulders. You can hex me now, but I know that I deserve much worse for going behind your back like this.'

"You could say that." Rowen replied, his deep baritone voice rumbling in his throat. He swallowed hard, his feet itching to run for it. Running from Kianthra and having time to come up with a lie for later would be much easier then talking to her now. "Why are you out and about at this hour?" he asked, arching a brown and kicking a shard of glass that was in front of his foot. He heard it spin and slide across the wooden floor until it came to a hault as it met a stone wall.

[Kianthra Lestrange]

"Me? I don't really know. I just needed somewhere quiet away from the Common Room and my feet brought me here," Kia said quietly noticing that Rowen looked to be on edge for some reason. "Something's definitely wrong, are you sure you're ok? You look as if, I really don't know how to describe it." She looked into his eyes trying to decifer what he was thinking. Of course she could just use legilimancy, but Kia never used it on her friends, that was an unspoken rule that was never to be broken. She heard the glass spin across the floor and smiled, "you've been drinking Mr Heminway, don't try to hide it. And I doubt it was just the one glass..."

I really want to tell him that I really like him and that I wouldn't care if he shaved his head or danced around the Great Hall singing christmas carols or even join the NO. But how can I say that to him? I know he doesn't feel the same way. He's my weakness. Him and Ai. My two weaknesses that will no doubt cause me trouble. I, I just don't know what to say. I'd love to just hold his hand now and star out at the night sky, but that's not going to happen. Be realistic Kia and get a grip. Move on and find someone else. He doesn't feel the same way.

The silence ticked on, both of them just enjoying the silence of the night. Finally Kia spoke, "it's a beautiful night tonight," she edged closer to the window so that she could stare up at the stars. The stars had always fascinated Kia and thus Astronomy was actually her favourite class. She just felt so at peace when she could lie down outside and just stare up at those glimmering sparkles of light.

[Rowen Hemingway]

Rowen listened to Kia carefully as she spoke. She was intuitive, which made her perfect for the damned DE. If he hadn't learned to guard himself so carefully, she would have easily been able to pick him apart at that second. "Is anything ever right?" he asked in response to her first statement. His eyes swept over her body casually, noticing what she was wearing, noticing that even though it was in the middle of the night he hair was still perfect. he saw how her House pride not only showed in her personality, but was also reflected in her wardrobe. For some reason, the girls in his house were obsessed with wearing emerald. Appearantly wearing any other color just because you liked it showed absolute House disloyalty. Rowen would never understand girls. They were overly complicated. He simply wore a gray hoodie, jeans and sneakers; sometimes playing the neutral card when it came to house colors was the safest route to go.

As usual, Kia was being observant. "Hm, right as always." he said quietly. "It was actually three or four, but who's counting?" he added with a light smirk. "Nothing seems to fix my problems anymore." he murmured, mostly to himself. Did Kia know that his mom was dead? Most likely not, unless Tobie told her, which was highly unlikely.

"So it is." Rowen said, glancing up at the sky. Each star was shining brightly, each constellation standing out more then it would on any other night. A yawn filled the silence between them, and Rowen realized how utterly exhausted he was. Maybe he just needed a long nap. Maybe that would straighten things out for him. He ran a hand through his hair again. "It almost reminds me of the night my mother died." he uttered casually, not really meaning to say it. cursing himself inwardly, he looked at Kia with glazed eyes. "Sorry." he added in a near-whisper, looking away once more.

[Kianthra Lestrange]

Kia watched Rowen, not saying a word. Her eyes took in every flick of his hair, as they criss-crossed this way and that. She was really tempted to run a hand through his hair, but somehow managed to subdue the urge, not rising to temptation. "Somethings are, but the majority aren't. That's just the way of the world," she said quietly, casually looking him over in return for his glance. She smiled as their eyes met once more. She twirled a stray strand of hair around her finger, watching it as it entered the moonlight, turning an almost white blonde shade. The silence returned as Kia stared up into the night sky, tracing the line of stars that indicated Orion's belt and Orion himself. Stars are bright tonight.

As Rowen spoke once more, Kia came back down to earth, her star gazing momentarily postponed. "I'm not always right, I just like other people to think that I am," she added smiling as Rowen confessed the amount of firewhiskey he had actually had to drink. "Nothing? I'm sure I could think of something..." she stared back up at the stars as she said this, not wanting to look Rowen in the eyes in case she gave anything away.

The silence returned, not an uncomfortable one you must understand, but one in which both people deem it fit to remain silent and thus allow thinking time for the other person present. "I'm really sorry, I...I...didn't know," she said quietly longing to hold his hand and comfort him. "At least you knew your parents..." she muttered almost inaudibly. "Seriously though, I know what it's like, trust me." she paused before continuing, "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, you can tell me anything and I won't tell a soul."

[Rowen Hemingway]

Kia's words seemed to strike a chord with Rowen, nearly reducing him to tears. Waiting until the salty drops sunk back into his eyes until he glanced at his housemate, his breathing starting to stagger. Calm down, Rowen, don't cry. He thought, pounding the words into his skull, hoping to make a lasting imprint. Guys didn't cry. It was the unwritten rule of nature. Anyone who was seen as weak was picked off and given to the wolves. It was survival of the fittest and the way humanity had acted since the time began.

"You don't need to appologize." he uttered, heaving a sigh and turning his back to the window. He didn't want to see the stars; they seemed too cheery for a somber moment such as this one. "I guess we all have something haunting our pasts." he murmured, hazel eyes resting on Kia's blue ones. "And don't take it personally for me not telling you. Tobie and I...we prefer not to talk about it." he confessed. His heart ached as thoughts of his mother ran through his head. Of her golden hair, so soft and smelling of flowers. Her eyes that were so gentle and were able to pry any emotion from him. His hair darkened considerably, as did his eyes, until they changed hue once more back to their normal state.

After a few moments of quiet, Rowen decided to buck up and step forward, wrapping Kia into a soft embrace. He wrapped one hand around her waste and then one hand one the back of her head, holding her close and resting his cheek on her hair. "Thanks, bye the way." he said. "You have no idea how much that means...coming from you, especially." he added, placing a light kiss on the crown of her head.

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[Kianthra Lestrange]

She stared into his eyes just wishing that his pain would go away. Why did the world have to be like this? So much grief and suffering? That was what she was fighting for, a 'better' world as Lottie had put it, a 'new horizon', all the terms used just to get new comers into the DE. Of course Kia trusted Lottie, she had to otherwise, well there was no otherwise. She sighed slightly, thinking how different her existance would be if her parents were still around. Would she have the freedom she did now? Probably not. Bellatrix was renowned for being a control freek and that probably would have extended to her children, well, child, Zane would have been cast out straight away. Is it too much to ask, just to have, I don't know what I want. I want the DE to win, I want to hold Rowen's hand, I want to realise my true purpose in life. I want, I want, yet I don't actually know how. Maybe I should just give up? Give up the fight. I would if, if I had something worth sacrifsing my life for, or someone. Lottie wouldn't think twice about it, deserters get it in the neck, just like Avery did.

Kia nodded, not able to find the right words to express how she felt. Finally she spoke, "I know," so quietly that even Rowen would have trouble hearing it. Her thoughts drifted to that fateful day where her brother Lawrence had died. Herself and Zane had been having a full on duel and Lawrence tried to intervene. Never before had Kia felt regret for that day, or even guilt, but now she was changing. What is Rowen doing to me? I'm changing, I'm hardly myself anymore... "I don't hold it against you, I understand," she said quietly staring back up at the stars, trying to find a distraction away from her tangled mess of thoughts.

Kia smiled as Rowen embraced her, she couldn't help it. Breathing in deeply, for the first time in a while, Kia felt content, at peace, as if Rowen had ebbed all the stress of the day away in one single embrace. He just kissed me! "That's ok, thanks for the hug," she said happily, trying very hard not to blush.

[Rowen Hemingway]

He closed his eyes, unsure of where this was going. He was comfortably numb, perfectly fine with holding Kia in his arms. She was the eye of his storm; the peace within the chaos. So many things were running through his head, thoughts overlapping as rapidly as they shot around in the confined space. Rowen knew how dangerous it was to bottle feelings, but these thoughts were too dark to even speak of. He didn't want to betray Kia or Tobie...but sometimes you just had to do what was right. What was important. And right now...keeping his friends close and enemies closer was the best thing to do.

"You're welcome," he murmured, eyes closed as he concentrated on his other senses. Kia smelled vaguely of some sort of flower, which was a comforting scent in these times of trouble. His heart was pounding in his chest, slamming against his ribcage with every thump. This...this was vital; diatole, systole. He needed this escape from everything, everyone. All that mattered at the moment was Kia. His world revolved around her and her alone. He lifted his head sleepily, pressing his forehead to hers comfortingly. "Don't doubt yourself, love." he uttered, inching closer until finally the small gap between them was sealed.

A rush of warmth rose from Rowen's feet, up through his head, making his head go from dark brown to bright blonde. After what seemed like forever, he pulled away, his tresses fading back to brown slowly. His cheeks returned to their normal temperture, his heart rate slowing. He needed time to catch his breath. "Sorry." he murmured, rolling his eyes and looking away. That was stupid. Oh well, he couldn't be sure where this was going, but he was pretty sure it would end with him being chased with a hot wand.

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[Kianthra Lestrange]

She paused, listening quietly. All seemed to be silent except her own heartbeat which she was sure would give her feelings away. For the first time that day, Kia had nothing to worry about, which was definitely out of the usual. She stared into his eyes, watching as the hazel colour glinted slightly in the moonlight. Mesmorising. She managed to fight the urge to run her hand through his hair, something that was proving more difficult as the evening went on. Kia opened her mouth as if to say something and then decided against it, not wanting to spoil the moment. Her thoughts spiralled out of control as Rowen inched closer.

I want to tell you something, but I'm not sure how to say it. I love the way your hair changes from shade to shade. I love the way you are such a good friend, someone I can always rely on, someone to tell my secrets to. I need someone like that. I'd love to ask you to join me on the next Hogsmeade visit. I love spending time with you on the Quidditch Pitch. I know you're the Keeper and I'm a Chaser but we're on the same side, fighting for the same things. I know you don't feel the same way, I'm just your best friend, but you're something more to me. You've changed me Rowen Hemingway, I'm not the same as I used to be. Yes I look the same, act the same, talk in the same way, but you've given me a new perspective. I want to tell you that I spent hours at your side whilst you were unconscious in the Hospital Wing. You knew I visited, because I was there when you came round, but you had no idea that I'd actually spent half the day there with you, at your side, waiting. Tobie knows that I was there for a long time, but I'm sure she just thinks I was being a good best friend. And I've come to the conclusion, after all this time, that, I'm in love with you Rowen.

Kia just smiled as Rowen pulled away. The smile that hid her true feelings. "It's ok," she said quietly, watching his hair fade back to its original dark brown. You really fascinate me, Rowen Hemingway.

[Rowen Hemingway]

Rowen's eye lids drooped until they were only half-open, content with just holding Kia there against him. He then took the time to look at Kia; to really look at her for the first time. He began surveying the tiny details that made up her face...the intense blue hue of her eyes, the gentle curve of her eyelashes...those high cheekbones that brightened her smile, and those perfect, kissable lips...

Rowen then suddenly snapped out of his daze, taking a step back and turning around, walking over to the window once more. He pressed her face into his hands, rubbing his eyes and trying to regain his composure. This was wrong. He couldn't just lead her on like this; he knew that at this time he couldn't be committed to her the way he should. His thoughts were always cloudy and his loyalties were not where they should be. He couldn't be something more then a friend to Kia while being in the NO...it just wouldn't work out. Not to mention that if there ever was need to take sides, he wasn't sure if he would be able to pick one. It was so contradicting...he loved Kia, but hated what she was standing for...

Love.

Rowen felt his throat tighten when he considered what he had just said to himself. Love...he hadn't felt this sort of emotion in a long, long time. Chewing the inside of his cheek for several moments, Rowen sucked in a breath and the decided to speak. "Kia, I'm sorry." he murmured. "But..." he paused, choosing his next words carefully. "I'm not who you think I am." he finally said. It was the easiest way to tell Kia that he was torn without telling her everything. It was the same tactic he had been using on Tobie and all of the other DE members nowadays. "You deserve better then this."

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[Kianthra Lestrange]

Kia smiled, just looking up into Rowen's eyes, observing the tiny flecks of gold present around the iris. So unique. She wanted to tell him everything, all the thoughts and feelings that her weighing heavily on her mind. She finally plucked up the courage to tell him everything, when he stepped back away from her. Kia remained where she was, unsure of what to do now, the courage she had just built up quickly ebbing away into the night. She watched him carefully as he pressed his face into his hands. She resisted the temptation to go over and join him, realising that he probably needed some space. Oh no, maybe I've given it all away. He can see my feelings for him but he knows that he doesn't feel the same. Maybe there's someone else... Kia suddenly broke that chain of thought, not wanting to spiral down into depression at the thought of boy number one finding someone else.

She waited not wanting to ruin any chance that she had, by talking when it definitely wasn't needed. When she heard his voice, she relaxed slightly, but then she heard the fatal words, I'm sorry. I knew it, way to go Kia, you always pick the ones who like someone else... "I...I don't understand," she said quietly, so quietly it could have easily been mistaken for a whisper. She paused not really knowing what to say. "I...sorry...I can't find the right words..." she said, almost as quietly as before. I have to tell him, tell him now, everything.

[Rowen Hemingway]

A thousand things were running through Rowen's head; a thousand decisions he wasn't ready to make. He refused to look back at Kia, concentrating on a distant tree outside. Anything to help his mind relax, even if it was for a brief moment. Blinking and heaving a sigh, he rubbed his eyes. He loved Kia, yes, and that was why he wouldn't tell her the secrets he had, the things that kept him bound to silence. He couldn't inform anyone about his New Order status, or else he'd lose his position as a spy, seeing as Tobie and any other DE member would refuse to look his way ever again.

Tobie.

Oh, he'd hurt her. She'd never trust him again. Rowen felt deeply sorry for any hurt he'd bring upon his sister or any of his friends, but knew that it had to be done eventually. Nothing stayed under wraps forever. Just like his feelings for Kia, everything floated to the surface soon or later, though he prefered later over sooner.

"Kia," Rowen turned, meeting Kia's eyes. "It's not that I don't have feelings for you. I do, I promise...It's just that I don't want to hurt you." he said, inwardly kicking himself for using such a cheesy line. "As lame as that sounds, it's the truth." he uttered, running a hand through his hair, which was fading into a dark brown-black. "You just have to trust me." he murmured, stepping closer to her, placing a hand on her cheek and running his thumb along the skin. "You're beautiful, and you're strong, and you're one hell of a crazy girl." he said. "And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I snuffed out that light inside of you."

[Kianthra Lestrange]

Kia just stared at the floor, not wanting to look up just in case she ruined everything. She listened to her heartbeat, just being able to pick out the faint beat of Rowen's in the silence. She reached out a hand as if to touch his shoulder, before sighing quietly and returning her hand to her side. Various thoughts ran through Kia's mind. He's got someone else, I know it. Maybe Corliss, or Nikita, or Charlotte... I'm not the one, how could I be so stupid? Or maybe, maybe, oh I don't know. She looked up just as Rowen turned around. She looked into his eyes expectantly but preparing herself to hear the worst, like last time with Scorpius... She opened her mouth as if to speak but stopped, unsure of what to say. He just said he likes me and that he has feelings for me. I can't believe it... "I do trust you," she said quietly, smiling at the feeling of electricity when he touched her cheek. "I really like you Rowen," she blushed slightly as she said this. "I, I...understand, I'll trust you on this one."