{SHE'S so]tobie&levi![H.E.A.V.Y} -- explicit.

[Leviticus Blessing]

Swallowing a sigh as she pulled away from him slightly, Levi watched her carefully. Of course he recognised the look in her eyes, her stance everything about her seemed so familiar. He'd seen this before, let her rant at him, scream at him, cry into his shoulder, use him to forget, and all of it without a second thought. As long as it made her feel better in the end, even if it was only for a minute, it was all worth it for him. It sometimes scared him how much he relied on her, her happiness fed his own, her despair was his.

As she spoke he listened, knowing that he couldn't expect her to think any differently about the situation than she did, not after how he behaved with the others. He cast them off, barely acknowledging them when he saw them afterwards. But this was so entirely different for him. Then she kissed him, and the onslaught of emotions nearly brought him to his knees. Her cold words felt like he'd been stabbed in the stomach. He watched her walk to the door, and pause. This was his chance, and probably the last one he'd ever have. Once she left this room she'd go back to Aiden, to her boyfriend, and this would all be put down to a drunken mistake.

It only took him a few strides to reach her, his hand taking hold of the one of hers resting on the doorknob as he removed it from the door and spun her round to face him. "You're right Tobie. I don't care about the others, they mean nothing to me." His voice was calm and collected. "But you are important to me, and do you really think I risk fucking everything we have up for something that would ultimately mean nothing to me? I thought you knew me better than that." He paused, not sure he could tell her what he needed to. "That kiss, every kiss Tobie, they all meant something. Each and every one. So don't tell me that it didn't mean anything! Don't tell me it doesn't matter!" His free hand hit the door behind her, beside her head. "You, October Hemingway, you mean everything to me." His voice was quiet, but serious.

[October Hemingway]

Tobie was almost intimidated when Levi approached her. She was ready to open the door and run to find Aiden, ready to stay with him and try and forget this night. She never wanted to remember all these horrible, terrible things that were happening. Hidden words were beginning to be said and Tobie wasn't sure if she liked it...or not. She turned to look at her friend, meeting his eyes and almost stumbling. The fact that those eyes could pull so many emotions from her startled her. Maybe that's what she liked so much about him; she would never need to say what she was feeling, simply because Levi's intense look was able to make it surface on her face and display in her actions.

"I...I don't know. I'm not sure about anything anymore." she whispered. "It's so hard to believe something that goes against everything a person is." she finished, biting her lip. "But I want to believe you. I want to believe everything you're saying," she started again, feeling tears sting her eyes. "I want to believe that I mean something to...to someone. Anyone. No one seems to care what happens to me anymore. I'm a traitor. I...I left Slytherin. I joined the NO. I...I betrayed everyone..." she grabbed a fistful of her hair, closing her eyes. "I can't even think anymore. I can't breathe." she murmured, laying her head against the door beside Levi's hand. "In these times of so much uncertainty...You're the only thing in my life that remains constant."

She eased his hand off the door so she could hold it, kissing the tips of his fingers before closing his hand and walked closer to Levi, Wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her lips there and slowly worked the soft kissed to his ear. "Can we?" she asked quietly, continuing to kiss along his neck and collarbone, slowly trying to lead him back towards the couch. She had made her decision, and even though it was probably not one of the smartest...but at this point she didn't care. All that mattered right now was Levi.

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[Leviticus Blessing]

Fighting to remain silent as Tobie spoke, Levi could feel his jaw clench. He knew what she'd done, leaving Slytherin to become a Ravenclaw, leaving the DE to join the NO, but none of that mattered to him. She would always be just Tobie to him, even if he was still a Slytherin and part of the DE. For the first time in forever he started to regret his past, simply because he knew how difficult it was for anyone to believe him about this subject.

As she peeled his hand from the door he looked at her, his eyes having been trained on a spot just above her head as she had spoken. Without conscious thought his arms wound around her waist as her arms wrapped around his neck. A quiet, slightly defeated sound escaped his lips as she kissed along his neck. He didn't fight her as she tried to lead him back to the couch, but he still couldn't find any words.

One of his hands left her waist and moved up to cup her chin, lifting her face to look at him. He paused for a moment, before pressing his lips gently to hers. He didn't want to stop and think, he'd said everything he could say right now, he needed to make her believe him. Make her believe that this meant something more than any of the other times this had happened for him. But more than that he needed her to feel better, and do that any way he could. So he'd let her set the pace for everything. He was hers to do whatever she wanted or needed with.

[October Hemingway]

Whether it was late at night or early in the morning, October was unaware. All she knew was that she was laying on a couch with her friend Leviticus Blessing in the Room of Requirement, still slightly buzzed from Firewhiskey as she rested her head on his chest. What they had done from start the finish was a surreal blur to Tobie; never had she ever imagined doing that sort of thing with Levi of all people. The two had been the closest of friends since they had entered Hogwarts, but they had never been that close. However, a soft smile was on her lips as she relaxed, cuddling into her friend as just taking the moment for what it was. She pulled a blanket she had found closer around them, enjoying the shared warmth and sense of comfort.

"That was nice." she murmured, looking up at Levi, long hair hanging over one shoulder in thick waves. Her eyes were now the palest of blue, twinkling in ecstasy. "We should do it again some time." she suggested, resting her head once more on Levi so she was looking away from him. She felt a strange sort of emotional attachment develop as she took one of his hands, lacing her fingers with his. "Is any of this real?" she asked openly; whether it was to herself or Levi, she didn't know. "Levi?" she asked. "Did you ever think about us...being as more than friends?" she asked very casually, not thinking much of it as she played with his fingers like a small child. "Just wondering." she added softly, not really expecting some fairy-tale answer; simply the truth would suffice.

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[Leviticus Blessing]

The slight buzz he was feeling had nothing to do with the copious amounts of Firewhiskey hed had consumed, and Levi knew that. He knew that there had been a shift in their friendship, and he wasn't sure if he really liked that fact or not. But he stayed on the couch, holding his bes friend close as she relaxed against him. His eyes closed for a few minutes while he tried to process everything.

Then she spoke and his eyes opened to look down at her, he hummed in agreement to her opening statement, but made no noise of affirmation, or rejection to her suggestion of a repeat performance, and he was grateful that she wasn't looking at him in that moment to see the uncertainty on his face, and in his eyes.

There was no doubt that he cared about Tobie, no doubt at all, but it was that affection that was causing the turmoil inside him at that moment. His fingers squeezed hers lightly as shee entwined their digits, resting them lightly on her hip. "Well it's nott a dream Tobes." He sighed, finally finding his voice, it was calm and soft, yet casual, with a vague detachment.

He couldn't help but scoff quietly at her next question, "Of course I did. I'm a seventeen year old guy Tobie. I think of pretty much anyone who isn't related to me like that." He sighed, leaving out the part that more often than not he acted on those thoughts as well. There was no need to have that reminder hang in the air around them. "But it was always different with you, it was always just a thought." His soft voice muffled slightly on his next sentence as he pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head, "Until tonight at least."

[October Hemingway]

Tobie had caught the fact that Levi hadn't responded to her offer to repeat the night, and she had expected that much. Levi didn't do well with committments and she had never seen him bring someone to bed more than once, so she was well-aware that she could have been shut down. Reality was setting back in as time ticked by, each second like a needle jabbing into her unsuspecting brain. "Well, of course it's not a dream." October retorted, rolling her eyes. "Not that it's a nightmare," she added quickly, deciding then to button her lip and let her friend speak.

"Sorry," she said quietly, looking away from Levi after he finished his dialogue. "But, I mean...Did you ever think about us being...you know," she twirled her hand for emphasis. "A couple, for better lack of a word." she said, choking slightly on the devillish 'c' word that was more offensive than any of vulgarity starting with the same letter. It was almost as poisonous as the 'L' word. She'd never bring that up, ever.

"Do you...do you regret tonight?" she asked softly, closing her eyes. She wasn't really sure what his response would be; after all, tonight had been full of surprises. She wasn't even sure what she wanted it to be, actually. All she knew was that she had just slept with her best friend, cheated on her boyfriend, and was now emotionally confused about it all at the same time.

"Levi, do you...love me?" she asked, voice softening considerably as she spoke the word she thought she'd never say.

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[Leviticus Blessing]

Tobie knew better than to expect him to commit to anything other than their friendship. Levi had always been committed to that, and that alone. So he made no effort to reassuure her or anything else on the topic of a repeat. She knew him too well.

He bit his lip as she meantioned the 'c' word. There was only one word worse than that in his book. "I may have though about it in the abstract Tobie, but it was never going to be a reality, not only because of me and my ways, but because of people's perception of me. I could never subject you to that." He decided not to mention that those ideas had been abruptly halted when she got herself a boyfriend.

"I don't regret tonight. I never do anything I'll regret. And since I never regret anything I do everything." Ah, some of his usual wit and sarcasm had resurfaced. Just in time for their 'heart to heart'. This was why Levi never stuck around afterwards. But again, Tobie was different, she was his best friend and if nothing else deserved to say what she wanted in these moments afterwards. "Do you regret tonight?" He asked with a mild curiosity.

THen came the final blow, the ultimate swear word in his world. The 'L' word was strictly reserved for repeating at his mother when he felt it was necesary, at no other time would that word find it's way out of his mouth. "You're everything to me Tobie. You know that." He aid simply, once more avoiding a question, but not simply because he didn't want to hurt her, but because he wasn't sure what the truth was anymore.

[October Hemingway]

Tobie remained silent throughtout Levi's words, unable to fabricate anything that would contribute to the conversation. She tried to mask the hurt on her face but looking away, knowing that she couldn't be offended by Levi's lack of serious thought about their relationship. It was simply his nature. It was the fact that she never came in contact with a person so withdrawn from emotional attachment before that drove her confusion. Relationships had always just come easy to her. It was simply a matter of 'I like you, you like me, let's be together!' and it went on from there. She never reallly battled the consequences until after she had become involved; probably the more stupid thing to do, but that was October. Action before thought; always.

"No." she said firmly, looking Levi square in the face. "I don't regret any of it." she finished, feeling slightly uneasy about her words after she said them. Well, yeah I'm going to regret this if you feel nothing after all we just went through. she thought bitterly, biting her tounge so she wouldn't say those things out loud. The last thing she wanted to do was start an argument of some sort. She just wanted to tell Levi everything that was on her mind...but she realized that she couldn't. She was always able to be open with him, but this subject was tender like a mending bone and unless she wanted to break the friendship she had to be careful and tiptoe around his feelings so she didn't stomp on them accidentally and make him throw his defenses up. She had seen the angry Levi before, and she wasn't willing to put herself on the receiving end of his venom.

"I..." her mouth went dry as Levi avoided her question. "I see how it is." she finished, clenching her jaw as she got up suddenly, dressing herself in a big of an aggressive fashion. "I love how you're always there for me, even when I do something wrong." She pulled her underwear on, reaching for her bra next. "I love the way your eyes pull just about every emotion from me, even when I'm in my most defensive state." she ran her thumb under the straps of the undergarment, untwisting them before reaching for her shirt. "I love how you have piercings and no one else is comfortable enough with themselves to follow suit." she pulled the shirt over her head, pulling her hair out from the neckline. "I love how you never regret anything." she grabbed her pants, shoving one leg through. "I also love the fact that you still accept me, even though I betrayed our House, and the rest of my Slytherin friends." she shoved the next leg through, buttoning the pants and pulling the zipper up. She turned to face her friend, crossing her arms over her chest. "And...and...and I love you Leviticus Blessing. And I'm brave enough to say it!"

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[Leviticus Blessing]

As she looked into his face and told him she didnt regret it Levi could see more words hding behind her eyes but he just couldn;t make them out. What did Tobie think she couldn't say to him? After everything she should know she could say anything to him. There was nothing she could say that would make him walk away from her. Well almost nothing.

Then there was a flurry of movement and the buzz of words. Each word burned into his brain as she said them. And for once his eyes were not diverted to her body, as they would have been with anyone else, they were fixed on her face, or the back of her head depending on which way she was turned. As she spun round to face him, arms across her chest and words flowing out of her mouth he simply nodded slowly. A calmness falling over him. Never a good sign.

He rose from his place on the couch and pulled on his underwear, but left the rest of his clothing where it was. He said nothing and didn't look at her again as he walked slowly around the room for a minute, almost pacing but it didn't have the urgency pacing suggested. He knew she wouldn't leave yet, she'd wait for his final reaction to her little speech.

He turned on his heel once more and walked towards a wall, then in a burst of anger his fist shot out and connected with the stone. The skin on his knuckles tore a little causing thin trickles of blood to run over his skin, but hee paid it no notice as he turned to look back at Tobie.

His eyes burned with the intense emotions flying through him, anger, pain, relief, lust and... love. "You see nothing October." Once again his voice was calm and controlled. "You think you understand me and my aversion to commitment, to love? Well you don't." There was no anger in his voice, but it shone in his eyes. "Relationships of varying kinds come easily to you. This between us has always been easy, we've always been the best of friends. You've always seemed to understand who I am. What I am. You've joked with me enough about it. Maybe you thought this would be different? That I'd confess to an undying need for you or something? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you." He was being intentionally cruel. His walls having shot up around him.

He had never lied to her before, and he was trying his best not to now, even with everything inside him screaming at him to push her away, to tell her that everything between them meant nothing. "I will never say 'I love you' Tobie. Not because I won't, but because I can't. I can't drag you down with me. I can't do that to you." that was as close to a confession as he cold get at that moment.

"But remember one thing when you're back in Avery's arms playing the loving girlfriend. When you really needed someone, you turned to the person who could never say he loved you, but could show you. You think you're brave for saying it to me? I think you need to decide who you want. I can't be your salvation anymore. i'll always be your friend, but you need to decide if that's what you want. Can you live without the word, but with the emotion?" his eyes remained fixed on hers, a seriousness about him he had never shown before. there was no turning back now, this would either make or break them. But it had to be done.

[October Hemingway]

The silence betweeen the two frightened October; she knew what that silence meant, and she had only seen it a select few times. Levi was at his boiling point. She had finally crossed that line in the sand that he had drawn between himself and the rest of the world, and appearantly he hadn't been too prepared for her to be so daring. She, too, was reaching a distinct point of anger, and she was now ready to unleash all of her emotions; the sadness, the longing, the frustration, the rage...

"Excuse me?" she asked quietly, clearing her throat to continue. "I know nothing? You know nothing!" she snarled. "You've lead the most cushioned, protected life ever since you exited the womb, Levi! You were born into wealth, you were raised by the undivided attention of your parents, and you actually have both of your parents!" her eyes darkened bornw-black in color, and her fists were tightening. "My mother is dead, in case you've forgotten!" she shouted, finally feeling defeated enough to let go of all self-control.

"I never fucking expected you to confess a thing! In fact, I never even got my hopes up to it, because I know you're incapable of loving anyone but yourself." she growled. "So don't flatter yourself, hun, because I do know you as well as I claim to. I can read you like a book, whether you like it or not." she walked over to a small table on which a lamp sat, the golden light contributing to the lighting of the entire room. "You're just a whore Levi! And I knnow it very well. It kills me that you throw yourself around like that, but I've kept my mouth shut ever since the day I met you and watched you charm all those kids into sleeping with you. Yeah, from day one I knew that nothing could ever come from me and you, besides maybe a quick fuck after I was drunk enough!"

She became quiet, reaching for the lamp and knocking it from the table, listening to th porcelain base shatter on the hard-wood floor. "I'm not stupid. And I'm not a child! So don't treat me like one. I know how bitter and cold the world is; after all, I did watch my mother drown when I was but a little girl!" she kicked the table, watching it topple over and skid a few feet. "You're not going to lecture me and treat me like a child. You're. Not. My. Mother!" she shouted, getting in Levi's face and pulling her hand back, striking him across the cheek.

"Don't even bring up Avery, you git! Avery's dead. Hook, line and fucking sinker." she glared into Levi's eyes, brown burning into blue. "I'm tired of being one of your whores, Levi. I'm tired of it. Sick and tired of it." she felt drained as she spoke. "You need to decide if you can live with the word and emotion, Levi. I'm tired of making decisions."

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[Leviticus Blessing]

Tobie's words hurt him more than her slap. Each word burned him. Each angered syllable cut through him, breaking down every part of the wall he had constructed in an attempt to keep himself safe. But his anger was still burning brightly, and was being fanned with every second.

"You know fuck all about my family life Tobie. Sure it looks perfect on paper, but it's not. You don't have to watch your parents pretend to be hapy with each other while every second together kill them slowly, and you don't have to live with the knowledge that they're doing it for you." His voice was till calm, bu not as controlled as before, his anger leaking out.

"So don't play the broken family card with me October Hemingway, you're not the only one with a shit home life." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I've never fucking treated you like a child, just like I've never denied being a whore. I'm not proud of it, but it's who I am!"

He took a step towards her, bringing them uncomfortably close, but he needed to be that close to get his next point across. "You have never been one of my whores. You have never been a simple conquest. You are so much more than that, don't you see? You meean so much more than that. And it fucking terrifies me. I've spent the last few years trying to keep you away from this side of me.

You think you know me? Well then you'd know that I fucking love you. And I hate it. I hate feeling like this. So you want me to decide? I can't. I've told you everything I can Tobie, and the only thing left for me to do is repeat the fact that I have never told you this because you are worth so much more than I can ever give you. And I only know that because I fucking love you, ok?" He hissed the final words before pulling shaarply away from her and turning to face the wall, resisting the urge to slam his fist into it once more.

[October Hemingway]

Tobie cringed at every word Levi said, taking it like a knife to the heart. She looked down, unable to meet his gaze as he continued on about his family; she felt bad about bringing up the entire idea...she knew that it was another sensitive subject for them both. But it had to be done. There was no more ways to avoid hutring one another's feelings; if this was their final battle, they needed to whip out every possible bullet they had to shoot at one another, waiting for the other to crash.

"Oh bullshit I'm not a whore!" she shouted. "I'm a cheating, lying, promise-breaking whore, Levi and I know it! Don't try and convince me otherwise because my mind's made up!" she shouted, tears beginning to form again but she refused to let them fall. No. She wasn't ready to admit defeat just yet. "What side, Levi? We both know who you are! There's no protecting me from your so-called 'dark' side, when it's all you are! All you are is mystery, defense, anger..." she refrained from continuing, feeling that old Slytherin trait rise from within her heart. Maybe this is what it took to bring her true colors to the surface; something Nikita or Corliss or Kianthra or the Sorting Hat couldn't do.

She was silenced once more when Levi finished speaking. Wow. She had finally...finally cracked the lock to the safe. She stood there, unable to speak for several moments until she stepped around Levi so she was in front of him, and she looked at him, the smallest of smiles surfacing. "So...you fucking love me, huh?" she asked meekly, feeling bad that she had caused Levi to break down in such a fashion. It wasn't fair. "Well...I fucking love you, too." she said with a slight laugh. She wasn't sure if Levi would scream or speak at this point, so she stayed silent, prepared to let him take out his anger, frustration and sadness on her in whatever way he needed. She was his to do whatever he needed with.

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[Leviticus Blessing]

Levi listened to her first outburst but remained silent. Closing his eyes as she stepped in front of him. He couldn't face her, couldn't look at her after everything he'd said. She was the one person in the world who he had never wanted to hurt. He hurt so many people, often intentionally, often by just being himself. He'd dealt with hi fair share of pleading, of screaming, of tears, but they were all insignificant, they all resulted in him walking away without another word.

He used people and tossed them aside and he knew it. And now he'd almost done that to hs best friend. But he hadn't wallked away, instead he'd wielded every weapon he had against her, and he'd aimed to hurt and wound and he had succeeded. But every word she'd said about him had been true. Every single word.

Then she spoke again, her tone so different, he just had to open his eyes to look at her. The aftermath of her anger left her looking slightly flushed and truly beautiful, especially with that slight smile on her face. As she told him she loved him to his shoulders sagged, his whole body giving into the feeling of relief that flooded through him. She was still there, after everything they'd just said and done, she was still there.

"Where the fuck does this leave us Tobes?" He asked after a few moments, his vooice betraying how helpless and vulnerable he felt in that moment, and it had nothing to do with his state of undress and everything to do with the emotions racing through him.